Salut! Okay, it has been a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally loooooooooooooooong, foreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever ever since I blogged. I am so sorry! Please forgive me! I can't quite promise that I will blog so often during the new semester but I promise that I won't abandon it. I have been abandoning it, to be frankly honsest. So what's been going on? Doing all right? Well, let me tell you how I've been doing!
Okay, so where did i leave off? Well, I don't really know. I got pretty good final grades except Western Civ. class that gave me a shameful C. The Kleins' courses(I took the couple for two of my classes) are my GPA killer. I can't blame them though because I am the one that didn't try hard enough with the low level of intelligence. Should have been more careful. Daang it! Okay, so finals ended. and then the great christmas break started! Wanna know my plans that did not work out? That's kind of my life. I plan things with an excitement for new adventures and life experiences and then all the plans somehow just can't work themselves out. and I have to just sit in the spot, not moving on. Anyway, so I had two plans. From Jan. 20-Jan.23, there was like a revival? type of thing for the Korean students in the States. Make sense? It was like a mission conference for Korean students who go to school in the States like me. and I was like, "OMGosh!" and I looked at how I could juggle my flights, and I had some mileage on my American Airline account (because I fly back and forth-how many miles? who knows). so I wanted to use the mileages for the tickets and then all I have to pay is the signup fee for the conference, which was, as I remember, about 170 dollars. But hey, it was in San Diego, CA. How awesome is that? BUT I don't have enough mileage for the round-trip ticket so I had pay for either going or coming back. and with the flight ticket cost added to the conference fee, it was gonna be like 400-500 dollars. RIDICULOUS. I couldn't go. and the second plan? it was the trip to Chicago I was telling everyone about before christmas break started off. I somehow just love Chicago even though I've never been to the city. I've looked at the pictures, places, schools, papers written from Chicagoan journalists. I've applied to a college in Chicago. yeah the school wasn't really in God's plan for me. but anyway, so I was soooooooooo pumped about the trip to Chicago. But my host dad's aunt whose house we were gonna stay at fell and broke her hips. Sooooooo yeah, the trip did not work out. I sure hope that the aunt gets better. I think she is getting better from what I hear. but not sure. so yeah, with all the plans unworked out, I stayed in Searcy for the break. I went to OKC for a night and went to places there-it was really cool. that was something I did, I guess. and I had a 2-night trip to Little Rock. During the days I was in Little Rock, I went walking to the pedestrian bridge, went hiking to the Pinnacle mountain, watched a lot of movies, and rode on a HARLEY DAVIDSON bike! I love Harley's! Baahahahahaahaaahahaaahah, imagine me wearing a heavy black leather jacket riding on a motorcycle. well not driving but still riding. whatever.
and little things I did over the break? I planned to read 3-4 books but read only one: "The Shack". It was sooooooooo good. It made me look at the characteristics of God a bit differently. Every time I opened the book and read it, I cried. You know, over the last semester and the break, I'd been dealing with some issues, regarding the decision to go home for good and just regretting things over the past and everything. and I just locked myself in the room and did not get out much. I wanted to be invisible. I have to admit, I was DEPRESSED. but I kind of got to the state where I was like, "Jin, Freakin' GET OVER IT! Stop having the self-pity party!" and I had a little "letting go" ceremony with myself. I wrote down the things that prevent me from moving on and that I cannot let go even though they were hurting me. and then I wrote solutions or the different attitude I should have on those matters on the other side of the papers. and I burned each of them, letting things go, and restarting a new breathed life. so I am a new person now. I am going to learn about God all over again. and I am going to take my studyings seriously even if I don't like to study some of what I have to study for. and I am going to leave everything UP TO GOD. I am so sick and tired of trying to have control of my life and getting frustrated from the failure to control my life. I am DONE. Okay, so I got over them-actually I'm still working on them. I think it will take quite a while. and I came back to the reality. I am facing situations, circumstances, consequences resulted from the decisions I've made, and people. I am facing people again. with a different mindset. with a mindset that not everyone is going to like me(I wanted everyone to like me. yeah, stupid.)but those who treat me sincerely when I treat them sincerely are the ones I should have life-long relationships with. I am not going to try too hard to please others. but rather I am going to let myself be a part of others' lives. Does that make sense? I am about to be lost in my thought. Anyway, I will get back on that matter later. later. Haha.
Oh by the way, the reason I put the pictures of chocolate was that I want some real good chocolate. I mean REAL CHOCOLATE. I watched a movie called "Chocolat". in the film, anyone who eats the chocolate that the main actress makes just melts down and reveal what truly is in the bottom of their heart. I want some real chocolate that can give me a feeling of loose, freedom. a sweet freedom.
