Take a deep breath...

I'd like to think that it's just all part of life.

I'd like to be told that it's just all part of mental growth.

and I don't think no one but me is going thru all this crap.

But it seems like people know better how to just overlook it

and just live on and have fun in their lives.

and me?

I just don't know and am clueless about everything.

When have I become this messed up?

I thought I knew and figured somet things out.

But it rather seems like I entangled everything in my head

and now it's just unsolvable.

What went wrong?

Looking at every areas of my life,

everything seems just fine.

My family's well, I have friends, and I do my best in classes.

But there's just something in myself that is not satisfied.

It is very thirsty, hungry, and desparate.

I just feel very negative about many things because of the emptiness in my heart.

and Yes, it does sound like it's spiritual thing.

But evaluating myself, I've been talking to God as much as possible.

I don't know, maybe I'm just convincing myself.

I'm missing something for sure.

It may be just one of those bad days that everyone has about once a week.

But it seems like it's a menstrual cycle to me.

This emotional tsunami comes around every three weeks.

and the degree seems way higher than mood swings from period.
Is everyone having the same tsunami cycle as me?

My parents are my best friends.

and they are counselors so I talk to them about many things.

and when I talked to them about this whole thing,

they just said I have way too high expectations on my life that will frustrate me.

and yeah.... that is true.

I expect too much out of people for the most of the time,

and I expect too much out of myself.

and honestly, everything that I think and hear seems to be true.

but none of them seems definite.

I feel like there's something else that is THE reason.

and yes, God understands me perfectly like no one on the earth ever does.

Yes.. he does..

Why does the truth get to my head but not to my heart?

Yeah, that is kinda problem.

I know things, but I can't bury them in my heart.

I don't know.

Alright, I've done enough blogging about my teenager life confusion.

Now I need to talk to God.

Bye-