3-3-2011

This is a post previously written on paper in the prayer room at Harding. Kind of late to post it, but oh well. haha :)
Oh by the way, I just had a thought: what will happen at 2:22 a.m. on Feubrary 22nd, 2222? It is in 111 years..... hahahahahahaaaaahahhhhhh

Okay, so I read Psalm 1-9. I've only read few parts of Psalms. (actually, few parts of the whole book of the Bible-very preacher's kid-ish, right?) Read the famous chapters, verses, or books like Psalm 23-one of my favorite. Suddently, a desire knocked on the door of my heart and I started reading the book of Psalm from the beginning. It is the most beautiful, magnificent, expressive, candid, heart-sweetening, purposeful, wonderful, and awesome poems EVER! My heart immediately got soaked up in the rain of His mercy, grace and glory.

PSALM 6-It totally reflects how I whine to God. I am such a whining baby to Him. Somehow, because how David cries to God is sooooooooooo how I cry to God, it rather consoled me. Hmmmmm!
PSALM 8-just beautiful! Description of the wonderful work through His fingers. It was so beautiful and I thought, "and how do we just pass by His creation without being in such awe?"

While I was reading the 9 chapters, I thought to myself: GOD IS SO PERFECT.
He is so PERFECCT that I can't even get quite a grasp of what He is like. There are so many words to describe Him and they are all true, don't get me wrong. But He surpassess all the literary description possibly written. He surpasses them. Can you imagine? I can't imagine at all but sniffle with teary eyes and lips wide open in awe. I am.. selfish, spoiled, narcissistic, altruistic, self-conscious, pretentious, greedy, and vain. yet I am loved, blessed and called by the most wonderous creator ever. I'm so insignificant, yet He finds me significant and worthy of the death of His one and only beloved son. I am the farthest from perfect, and he is the closest to perfect, and yet He keeps me as the apple of the eye!

Sometimes, I'm the mast of self-pity party. I am the true planner of it all! and sometimes, the world seems unfair, cruel, messy, corrupted, sucky, and screwed up. but I really don't need to play the party every time I feel like a victim, because He is fair to me. He is forgiving, merciful, graceful, and loving to me. Unconditionally. and that should be good enough. No matter how many times I 'think' I am the biggest victim and wish for my own destruction, He just embraces in His wings and arms.

My eternal father before my biological father.
My eternal teacher before Dr. Hobby who got knited in Scotland(?)
My eternal husband before the one I make supper for everyday.
My first before everything.
and my last after everything.

March Second Two-thousand Eleven

Bonjour, mes amis!
Just used google translator to say "hello, my friends!". Yeah, even though I took a month course of French language, I can't even put the most basicest words. It's okay. when I have time and change, I will start over from the alphabets and learn French til I can have little conversations with a French! and maybe I will go to France! Gah, that will be just dreamy. :)

Okay... so while I was reading for Social Psychology, I found this quote by Shakespeare and I really liked it somehow. so I am just going to share this tonight:
"All the world's stage,
And all the men and women merely plays:
They have their exits and their entraces;
And one man in his time plays many parts."
-William Shakespeare

Today was a little bit chilly but very sunny, bright, and pretty! I ran into Katie today and that made me happy. :) She looked good in her sunglasses! and I am excited to have breakfast with her tomorrow. I will miss our little Thursday breakfast trandition!

Today's bible study theme was: Salvation by Grace of God.

Bonne nuit et doux rêve!
Good night and sweet dream!

Dreamful dreams

HOLA! SALUTE! ALOHA! HELLO!
Today was such a beautiful day. Just BEAUTIFUL! but for some reason I can't quite figure out, I was being kind of moody today. Under the warm yellow sun and on the bright, fresh green grass, I was feeling blue and grey. I was just kind of being a little sentimental, I think. and I am not sure why. Wait, maybe I know why. but maybe I just don't want to admit it because I feel really weak and dumb inside.

I let someone down a big time and did not even realize it. I did not upset him or made him mad. I DISAPPOINTED him. and that is worse. wayyyyyy worse. especially you know that he cares about you and you also care about him. and the fact that I disappointed him and was not even aware of it made me feel so terrible, horrible, awful, horrorful(?), and abhoring that it made me hate myself for what I've done. I have tendency to be a little sensitive about not offending but rather pleasing others. but when I was notified that someone I care was disappointed because of immature, ignorant behavior I did, I was crushed. I felt so bad that I could not even look at him. What he said went around my head all day long. I could not run away from it. and it bothered me. it suffocated me. I could not do anything right. just thinking about it gives me this uncomfortable waves in my nerves. I apologized but I am still feeling bad and do not know what to do.

Anyway, that kind of ruined my day. and also, this friend of mine kind of me put me in blue mood. she did not do anything to upset me or anything. It was from the conversation I had with her. She had a hard childhood and has bad memory about her parents. and now she has no life. I mean, she is obviously alive, breathing just like everyone else. but I mean, she does not have motivation, passion, hope, wants, or dreams. She does not believe in her potentials or capabilities. She does not what she wants to do. She does not feel anything. She feels numb. Her life is slowly going. and it breaks my heart because I care about her. Everyone has hard moments in their lives. Just a matter of the degree or the extent of the hardships. but everyone has hurts they will hurt from for a long time-maybe their whole life. but they still go on. because the world still goes on. life still goes on. but what keeps them going is dream. that's how people move on. because they have dream, they have hope, passion, and motivation. that's how they get back up on their feet after stumbling hundred, thousand times. this friend of mine does not have one. I don't know. maybe she has on but did not tell me. She is such a good person. She is very even, slow-tempered, patient, persistent, and kind. She does not judge others. She does not make fun of others. She just does not categorize or label others. She is good at many things. but she does not approve of them. and it hurts seeing her living her awesome life that way. DREAM. it is such a wonderful word. I just hope she finds what God wants from her. then she will have glimpse of light of hope in her heart. and then she will have dream.

The reason I put those pics from different places is that ... I want to travel. I think this travel fever is what everyone has at some point in their lives. Just want to leave everything, pack up, and hit the road. With or without destination does not matter. Just the excitement for new things to see, hear, feel, touch, smell, and taste, new people to meet and have relationship with, and new insights to gain into life. Excitement for every second ahead of the present. I am having the fever right now. Hopefully, it will just stay as a sweet dream and not change into a distraction from my studies. because I don't want freakin anything to distract me from my studies. I'm already distracted from myself enough. haha. :)

Anyway, I've gotta go to bed. I'm somehow really tired. I was planning to go to bed earlier than now but I just had to post this up. I guess I just needed to vent or something. It is quite weird how writing feelings, thoughts, and events of the day down helps you balance your emotions out and kind of detangle the entangled thoughts. Tehe.

God loves me, I know for sure.
and God loves you, too, I know for suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure!