Start Over

I'm sick and tired of myself. I wanna start over.
I wanna wipe out all my thoughts and everything and just start over like a white canvas. I'm so tired of being lukewarm and going thru the motions. The cycle is almost sickening now. I'm not sure about a lot of things yet, but I wanna be sure about this one thing: it's not about me. it's all about God. And to be sure about this, I wanna remove everything that can possibly get in the way. I don't kno what's going on inside of me. I don't know what got into me. But I'm having a convulsion. I don't want to care about anything. Anything.

Like I've been told, I am going to stop this disaster going on inside of me, calm down, and ask God, "are you trying to tell me something? what are you trying to tell me through this burning inside of me?". I just need to chill out.

I go back to school tomorrow. I will look awful with swollen eyes. I cried too much tonight. Well.. at least I feel a little better. This knot that has been clogging my heart has been a little smaller. There's air going thru my heart that I can feel. I can breathe now.