Just some let out

I am in college. Yes, I am.
College, according to the senior speeches I heard in chapel the past week, gives you education, great friendship, relationship with God, and identity of who you are. You need to do something spontaneous, crazy, stupid, and embarrassing. Why? because it's college. Yeah, it just sounds like colleges in movies. All you remember is probably cramming tests, laughing with people out of some stupid things you've done. and Yes, I agree that college is probably the last time period where you are allowed to be a little stupid free bird and do whatever you want. But that's not all. I feel like I'm missing something here.

I know I need education to do whatever I want to do. I need to take psychology classes to be able to listen and help people's wounded hearts. But I feel like I'm not learning like I'm supposed to do. College is a place to have fun, crazy memories. but it is also a place to get your education. probably the most important education in your career. but I feel like I'm just wasting money. I don't feel the sparks in whatever I'm learning. I want to feel it, you know? I am learning but I feel like what I'm learning is just waste. but then I do not know what I really wanna learn and need to learn. I did not pay thousands bucks and left my 50 year old parents with no other child but me in a small country on the complete opposite side of the world over the Pacific ocean just to sit in a room, stare at teachers reading their dear powerpoints, take notes, get assignements, fill out study guides, memorize them, take tests, and forget them all. I am so tired of going through the emotionless motions.

I know I am no better than anyone in the world. I know I'm still young and have a long way to go. I know I'm blind to many, many things in the world and the life. But I feel like so many people with hearts ignore their hearts. I feel like they just desire to have fun in their lives without sparks. I feel like they just wanna be all fine with everyone. I feel like they are so lukewarm and not challenging the world and the life with the strengths God has given them. They have hearts that are highly capable to have sparks that can change the world and make a difference in others' lives. They just don't know it or ignore it for the lukewarm happiness with the world. but I'm not really in a big place to say all that because I'm not good in that area at all either. I'm such a people pleaser so I hate to have any conflicts or arguments with people. but just sayin'.

I think I'm going through all this because I'm in college and still growing up and learning about life. I believe many others around me feel and go through this phase, too. Thanks to Allison, I feel better and feel stronger because I at least know that I have one friend who is standing beside me, understanding and believing in me.

Don't lose FAITH and HOPE.

What do you wanna do?

People do what they like to do. what they want to do.

Of course there are exceptions-like they do what they need to do as certain responsibilities regardless of their desire to do it. They do just out of courtesy because that is how the life sometimes goes.

But people still do what they like and when they do what they like, they seem so happy and at peace. They look as if they've got the whole world-and it is true. when you do what you wanna do at the moment, you are content and you feel like you don't need anything else at the moment.

Haley loves music so she plays guitar whenever she gets chance to. Grant, Haley's brother, loves playing Rugby so he's on Rugby team at his college and he's a devoted player. Mr. George loves motorcycle so he contantly works on his Harley and loves giving rides to people. Katie loves rockclimbing so she works at Zion to rockclimb for free even though she does not get paid. Even though they do things that are completely different. Their faces and hearts when they do those are the same: happy and content.

I was sitting in the front lawn few days ago, and this little kid who seemd to be about 10 years old maybe? came, opened his nice looking guitar case, and started playing guitar. He was actually really good. He didn't sing but he played many beautiful melodies. I looked at him for a while(which makes me a creeper), and I smiled without intention. My heart that was looking at the heart of the boy playing his guitar smiled because my heart just knew that the boy was happy doing what he wants to do under the big tree in the front lawn. I don't know but I just thought it was interesting how God put totally different interests and talents in so many different people yet gave the same satisfaction, peace, and appreciation in their hearts. Those feelings are so warm and intimate that those who are willing to probably can feel God.

I always liked nature but through Harding, I fell in love with green so much. I love grassy green, grass, and trees. It is extra beautiful and lovely when there's colorful flower in the middle of green leaves. I got to experience and appreciate the presence and existence of God more through the green nature, I think. and I am thankful for that.

Anyway,

Peace, Love, and Blessings,

Jin

What really makes difference?

April 8 was barefoot day held by Toms shoe brand. People in Harding campus walked around barefooted. Of course, not all of them, and in fact, not even half did. But some did. They sold Toms shoes also. However, with quite tight budget in my money pocket, I did not buy Toms shoes. I just walked around wtihout shows for awareness of the children in En Salvador who do not have shoes. and I thought it would make a difference SOMEHOW. I did not even think deeply how walking around the campus without shoes would make difference. I felt good about it because I was participating in an event that had a good cause.

and then I talked to my host dad about it a few days later. He asked me, "so how does walking around the campus barefooted make difference in the children's lives in En Salvador?" I said, "it makes me aware of it." then he said, "how does just being aware of it deal with the actual situation of reality in En Salvador?" and it hit me. Awareness is one of ways to deal and help for a cause but it is not ALL. Awareness is just starting point of dealing with real world crisis. To really help and deal with the crisis, we have to give them something. We have to PROVIDE. and now thinking about it, money was just some kind of excuse. I could have gotten some money together with other people, which would make me pay less than what 40 bucks? and then one of us could wear the shoes, or we could have donated to someone in need of shoes in the community. or I could have just donated some $ I had. It made me feel stupid. so blind, self-centered, and not insightful.

I am not trying to critize the event "Barefoot day" by Toms. I think it is great. It is not only to sell the shoes to college students, but also to make them aware of it and to make them make others aware of it. It is kind of all about being AWARE of it. and It is great. but it is just STARTING point of making a real difference. We have to step up and start dealing with it and caring abou it with the awareness we have in our hearts.