Just some let out

I am in college. Yes, I am.
College, according to the senior speeches I heard in chapel the past week, gives you education, great friendship, relationship with God, and identity of who you are. You need to do something spontaneous, crazy, stupid, and embarrassing. Why? because it's college. Yeah, it just sounds like colleges in movies. All you remember is probably cramming tests, laughing with people out of some stupid things you've done. and Yes, I agree that college is probably the last time period where you are allowed to be a little stupid free bird and do whatever you want. But that's not all. I feel like I'm missing something here.

I know I need education to do whatever I want to do. I need to take psychology classes to be able to listen and help people's wounded hearts. But I feel like I'm not learning like I'm supposed to do. College is a place to have fun, crazy memories. but it is also a place to get your education. probably the most important education in your career. but I feel like I'm just wasting money. I don't feel the sparks in whatever I'm learning. I want to feel it, you know? I am learning but I feel like what I'm learning is just waste. but then I do not know what I really wanna learn and need to learn. I did not pay thousands bucks and left my 50 year old parents with no other child but me in a small country on the complete opposite side of the world over the Pacific ocean just to sit in a room, stare at teachers reading their dear powerpoints, take notes, get assignements, fill out study guides, memorize them, take tests, and forget them all. I am so tired of going through the emotionless motions.

I know I am no better than anyone in the world. I know I'm still young and have a long way to go. I know I'm blind to many, many things in the world and the life. But I feel like so many people with hearts ignore their hearts. I feel like they just desire to have fun in their lives without sparks. I feel like they just wanna be all fine with everyone. I feel like they are so lukewarm and not challenging the world and the life with the strengths God has given them. They have hearts that are highly capable to have sparks that can change the world and make a difference in others' lives. They just don't know it or ignore it for the lukewarm happiness with the world. but I'm not really in a big place to say all that because I'm not good in that area at all either. I'm such a people pleaser so I hate to have any conflicts or arguments with people. but just sayin'.

I think I'm going through all this because I'm in college and still growing up and learning about life. I believe many others around me feel and go through this phase, too. Thanks to Allison, I feel better and feel stronger because I at least know that I have one friend who is standing beside me, understanding and believing in me.

Don't lose FAITH and HOPE.