Unsleepable (?)

It is 6:13 a.m. in Korea, and I've been staying up ALL NIGHT. I tried to go to bed so hard but I just couldn't somehow. and it is driving me nuts because I will look awful today since I got no sleep. Pew. Whatever. Not being able to sleep actually sucks. I mean, I like not sleeping and enjoying the night, but it is quite annoying when I CAN'T go to bed. (oh man my head hurts. :() So I decided to make a new post! I see the windows getting brighter and brighter as the time goes by tonight. Yes, a whole new day is coming right at me. It will be a good day. First, I will go to church. and then, I will have lunch with my friend that has been such a good fella to me ever since 7th grade. She never lost connection with me. and then, I will babysit kids from 3-6. which means I won't be able to work out today because the gym closes at six. Oh well, I will just run outside tonight. Hopefully, I will be motivated to do that..... I'm so fickle that I don't even know how my mind is going to change. LAME.

Going to the gym has been pretty fun. I feel lighter and healthier. and since I go to work pretty much all day long, there's not much encounter with people. but I talk to the trainer in the gym and he is quite funny. but anyway, I shall be under 50kg before I go back to America! this is a declaration of war with MYSELF. It will be extremely tough. Oh man, my shoulders are extremely stiff right now. someone massage me!

I fell in love with this Korean band called C.N.BLUE. I do not know why they are called C.N.BLUE, but they are really good. and they are really CUTE. GEEEEEEEEZ. Haha :)

I walk outside, see things like places, people, and many other things outside, and then frame them in my mind. I just see how awesome they will look in photos. I just need a CAMERA, dang it! I need shooting time really bad. It is a must time for my life.

I'm in the middle of this huge struggle with my future right now. and that is deciding whether to transfer to Korean college after my sophomore year. I do not want to leave Harding because I have some of the most wonderful people I will never meet anywhere else, I have the most beautiful campus that gives me the biggest stress relief, I am in the best club ever DGR!, and I just think Harding is a pretty good place to be. BUT, I cannot stay so comfortable in America having my mom who can hardly see very much now alone in Korea. My dad doesn't help her anymore. She needs someone to hold onto when she goes to places. She needs someone otherwise I will fall every time she takes a step and who knows what is going to happen. I'm so worried about her. I feel like I should be there. It is killing me. but then, I do not want to live with my parents because that drives me crazy, too. Not just because of the normal annoying parents' control of their kids issue but because they make me extremely angry. I do not want to get on this so precisely. but they just build anger inside of me. Looking at them, I do not want to get married because I am afraid if I will be a wife like my mom and meet a husband like my dad. You know? I am so glad to be in America and I cannot even imagine what kind of person I would be now if I just stayed here all my life. but don't get me wrong. I LOVE MY PARENTS. They are great parents. They are just bad wife and husband materials. So..... I don't know what to do. I keep praying and asking God what He wants me to do because I want to do what He wants me to do no matter what that is going to cost. but His answer to this question is kind of slow, I guess.

but anyway... I do not want to post my family matters and everything but I just needed to let out. I want to be in love. (and that was random, ha)

I miss you, my friends in USA.