Lonesome night

Tonight is rather lonesome.. more lonesome than other nights I've faced lately. Hmm. I do not want to say a lot today.

I want to be cheered up.
I want to be pat on my back and said that it will all be all right.
I want to be consoled.
I want to be paid attention at.
I want to be loved.
I want to be free.
I want to escape.

Things just happened tonight. Actually, they had been rather happening to happen a big time lately, and I had been thinking that it was just a routine thing but it really wasn't. I think it is moving somewhere and changing into something I cannot quite figure out yet. but I actually do hope that it is close to the end, no matter how good it will look as a result. I do not care if there is any consequence for me to deal with. I just want it to be over. Actually, it is not even my business. but when it is a business of someone you love so much, it becomes your business.

I have made a decision that I've been trying to compare the chocies, see which one will be more beneficial for me, and actually deny the choice I need to make. I do not want to broadcast it but since my followers are just really close friends, I am just going to announce it.

I am moving back to South Korea after my sophomore year in college. for my own good. and also to take care of my mom. Nothing is serious. I know God will take care of the situation and everything. Who knows what will or won't happen in my life? I may decide not to transfer by the end of my sophomore year. but for right now, I am.
I may be more depressed, lonely, and miserable after I transfer and live here. but my feelings are not the focus right now. Being with and taking care of my loved ones is. I'm still dealing with this issue and I do not know when it will come to an end.

LIFE LIFE LIFE

My life here in Korea in summer of 2010 has been quite busy. Actually really busy. I just have had so many things to do. My job and diet have been the biggest main focus of my life lately. and just little things are really blocking me from having my own time for summer. But it's okay, I'm satisfied.
Oh man I haven't wrrite on my blog so long that I do not even know what story to begin with. Pew.

From the language school that I worked for a month, I met this 26 years old teacher, and we have become such good friends. She is somewhat different than me but then she is somewhat similar with me. She had so many things happened in her life that whatever comes out of her head and her heart is a life lesson to me. and we are so comfortable with each other regardless of 7 years of age difference. I can really talk to her about things in my life and feel such a comfort. She has met this guy lately and they are so precious. They neither try to rush the steps of making out nor hide their feelings. They are very honest with each other so they just express how much they like each other when they feel like expressing it. But anyway, I thank God for sending her in my life. I only have friends from middle here because I did not go to high school in my home country. so I've met my friends and hung out with them several times but it's not the same anymore. Now it's more like I'm visiting them or they are visiting me because I'm here for a short period of time. and it's just... not the same. so I've been kinda lonely and bored. I've been missing my friends at Harding like crazy. Like CRAZY. but my new friend has made my summer better so far. haha ;)

and... this someone made my summer kind of exciting yet troublesome. hard to explain yet. but are you getting my telepathy?

My family has been better and worse in some ways. but I've kind of let them go. I guess I should say I've let them go in my heart. I still love them but I'm going to stop trying to talk to them to make them understand each other. because it is almost impossible. They don't listen to me anymore. now I think that all these times that I tried to talk to them and make them understand and beg them to understand were just FOR ME. for me to feel better by trying. for me to feel more comfortable in my own home. It was actually me that didn't understand. I was just forcing them to understand each other when they actually did understand but didn't have to act the way I want them to act because they also got hearts. so I'm going to stop talking to them about their relationship because it is their business, not mine. but I'm going to keep striving to be a good daughter. I'm going to make some delicious meals for them because they hardly get a complete meal a day. and I'm going to manage the housekeeping and stuff.

When people leave each other in their hearts, it is done. that's what I knew for a long time but denied until now because I didn't want to believe. People deny so many things even when they know the truth. They deny the truth. because they are too afraid to admit it. they do not want to believe. and I was one of the cowards also.

I went to this Japanese' poet's photography exhibition last saturday. The theme was Communication with the Nature. The photos were not really artsy or skilled but I could see the nature. It was the real natural nature moved on a piece of big photo paper. There were 100 pictures of many countries with 9 different themes. and whenever I looked at each photos, I could feel the tempreture or breeze, I could smell the nature taken a photo of, I could hear the sounds of the people or just the nature, and I could see other things around the nature. It was really weird experience in a good way. I felt like I actually travelled around the countires. because the photos were so real that they made me like I was there when I was looking at the photos. It was a nice experience. :)

July is already here. Time flies. Really fast. I want to make the rest of my summer in Korea memorable, unforgettable, and precious.

Oh by the way, wish me a good luck on this Sunday!

Date with my dad

I had a good night. I do not think I had as much fun lately as tonight. After my workout, my family went to a riverside. It was early summer so the night breeze was kind of chilly but felt REAL GOOOOOOOD! My mom's knee was hurting so my dad and I went on a walk along the riverside. (Dang, I should've taken a picture! if I had a camera!) He and I walked for about thirty minutes and talked about many, many things. mainly about life and.... stuff. It was such a refreshing time with cool, peaceful river breeze under street lights. I think it was more special than ever because I had a walk with my dad alone and we had a sincere talk. A heartfelt talk. And now, I feel like I understand him more. I don't know. It was weird in a good way. I think tonight was one of the best memories I will bring back to USA. :)

I wish I had super power

I wish I had a super power... like knowing what someone is feeling or thinking? Of course, it is all the fun to have relationships without knowing everything, I must agree. However, sometimes I just wish I knew what the other person is thinking so I know what to do, you know? Pew. Humans are manipulative. But what is more stupid is that I still go along with someone even when I know he/she is just playing me around. I don't know. Maybe I can play back, too. But is that right? Heck, what matters?