Fresh Start!

Salut! Longtemps Sans Voir!

I know, I know. I'm the most awful, terrible, irregular, irresponsible, distracted blogger! I don't know why I am, though... I guess I got lazy and complacent. I'm sorry.. :(

I thought about deleting the current one and starting one all over. but then I was like, "hey, good blogger or bad blogger, all the posts of my vent and praise are still my life. I can resfresh my mind and get back on the track. But I can't just delete the past that I've been happy and unhappy-mostly down, looking at my posts. So.. I decided to leave all the previous posts and just pick it up from there. I have to admit that there were times that I was just overflowing with joy in the Lord and thanks to Him and times that I was thinking and feeling depressed. But life is full of those. We still move on. We learn from the past, forgive ourselves, ask God for forgiveness for the wrongs we've done, put the past behind, and move on. LIVE FORWARD. I guess what I learned the past few months is that even though life is just full of good and bad poop, we just have to stay focused on the main purpose of everything-GOD-and not lose joy in the Lord. So for the fresh start, I changed the title of my blog. It is now "Attraversiamo". It is an Italian phrase, meaning cross over.

We can't let the past-whether it is happy or unhappy-be the foreshadow of our future. Our future is too precious to just assume and lose the excitement of it. Past, which is also a part of our lives, was past. Present, which is our lives right now, is present. and Future, which is unknown, will be future. We will enjoy every moment of it all. No regrets. Well, maybe a little. Few what if's. But no holding grduges on ourselves as well as others. No putting shackles on ourselves. Just ride along with the life-giver. Hit the shortest road that feels the logest. and Move on. Attraversiamo!

3-3-2011

This is a post previously written on paper in the prayer room at Harding. Kind of late to post it, but oh well. haha :)
Oh by the way, I just had a thought: what will happen at 2:22 a.m. on Feubrary 22nd, 2222? It is in 111 years..... hahahahahahaaaaahahhhhhh

Okay, so I read Psalm 1-9. I've only read few parts of Psalms. (actually, few parts of the whole book of the Bible-very preacher's kid-ish, right?) Read the famous chapters, verses, or books like Psalm 23-one of my favorite. Suddently, a desire knocked on the door of my heart and I started reading the book of Psalm from the beginning. It is the most beautiful, magnificent, expressive, candid, heart-sweetening, purposeful, wonderful, and awesome poems EVER! My heart immediately got soaked up in the rain of His mercy, grace and glory.

PSALM 6-It totally reflects how I whine to God. I am such a whining baby to Him. Somehow, because how David cries to God is sooooooooooo how I cry to God, it rather consoled me. Hmmmmm!
PSALM 8-just beautiful! Description of the wonderful work through His fingers. It was so beautiful and I thought, "and how do we just pass by His creation without being in such awe?"

While I was reading the 9 chapters, I thought to myself: GOD IS SO PERFECT.
He is so PERFECCT that I can't even get quite a grasp of what He is like. There are so many words to describe Him and they are all true, don't get me wrong. But He surpassess all the literary description possibly written. He surpasses them. Can you imagine? I can't imagine at all but sniffle with teary eyes and lips wide open in awe. I am.. selfish, spoiled, narcissistic, altruistic, self-conscious, pretentious, greedy, and vain. yet I am loved, blessed and called by the most wonderous creator ever. I'm so insignificant, yet He finds me significant and worthy of the death of His one and only beloved son. I am the farthest from perfect, and he is the closest to perfect, and yet He keeps me as the apple of the eye!

Sometimes, I'm the mast of self-pity party. I am the true planner of it all! and sometimes, the world seems unfair, cruel, messy, corrupted, sucky, and screwed up. but I really don't need to play the party every time I feel like a victim, because He is fair to me. He is forgiving, merciful, graceful, and loving to me. Unconditionally. and that should be good enough. No matter how many times I 'think' I am the biggest victim and wish for my own destruction, He just embraces in His wings and arms.

My eternal father before my biological father.
My eternal teacher before Dr. Hobby who got knited in Scotland(?)
My eternal husband before the one I make supper for everyday.
My first before everything.
and my last after everything.

March Second Two-thousand Eleven

Bonjour, mes amis!
Just used google translator to say "hello, my friends!". Yeah, even though I took a month course of French language, I can't even put the most basicest words. It's okay. when I have time and change, I will start over from the alphabets and learn French til I can have little conversations with a French! and maybe I will go to France! Gah, that will be just dreamy. :)

Okay... so while I was reading for Social Psychology, I found this quote by Shakespeare and I really liked it somehow. so I am just going to share this tonight:
"All the world's stage,
And all the men and women merely plays:
They have their exits and their entraces;
And one man in his time plays many parts."
-William Shakespeare

Today was a little bit chilly but very sunny, bright, and pretty! I ran into Katie today and that made me happy. :) She looked good in her sunglasses! and I am excited to have breakfast with her tomorrow. I will miss our little Thursday breakfast trandition!

Today's bible study theme was: Salvation by Grace of God.

Bonne nuit et doux rêve!
Good night and sweet dream!

Dreamful dreams

HOLA! SALUTE! ALOHA! HELLO!
Today was such a beautiful day. Just BEAUTIFUL! but for some reason I can't quite figure out, I was being kind of moody today. Under the warm yellow sun and on the bright, fresh green grass, I was feeling blue and grey. I was just kind of being a little sentimental, I think. and I am not sure why. Wait, maybe I know why. but maybe I just don't want to admit it because I feel really weak and dumb inside.

I let someone down a big time and did not even realize it. I did not upset him or made him mad. I DISAPPOINTED him. and that is worse. wayyyyyy worse. especially you know that he cares about you and you also care about him. and the fact that I disappointed him and was not even aware of it made me feel so terrible, horrible, awful, horrorful(?), and abhoring that it made me hate myself for what I've done. I have tendency to be a little sensitive about not offending but rather pleasing others. but when I was notified that someone I care was disappointed because of immature, ignorant behavior I did, I was crushed. I felt so bad that I could not even look at him. What he said went around my head all day long. I could not run away from it. and it bothered me. it suffocated me. I could not do anything right. just thinking about it gives me this uncomfortable waves in my nerves. I apologized but I am still feeling bad and do not know what to do.

Anyway, that kind of ruined my day. and also, this friend of mine kind of me put me in blue mood. she did not do anything to upset me or anything. It was from the conversation I had with her. She had a hard childhood and has bad memory about her parents. and now she has no life. I mean, she is obviously alive, breathing just like everyone else. but I mean, she does not have motivation, passion, hope, wants, or dreams. She does not believe in her potentials or capabilities. She does not what she wants to do. She does not feel anything. She feels numb. Her life is slowly going. and it breaks my heart because I care about her. Everyone has hard moments in their lives. Just a matter of the degree or the extent of the hardships. but everyone has hurts they will hurt from for a long time-maybe their whole life. but they still go on. because the world still goes on. life still goes on. but what keeps them going is dream. that's how people move on. because they have dream, they have hope, passion, and motivation. that's how they get back up on their feet after stumbling hundred, thousand times. this friend of mine does not have one. I don't know. maybe she has on but did not tell me. She is such a good person. She is very even, slow-tempered, patient, persistent, and kind. She does not judge others. She does not make fun of others. She just does not categorize or label others. She is good at many things. but she does not approve of them. and it hurts seeing her living her awesome life that way. DREAM. it is such a wonderful word. I just hope she finds what God wants from her. then she will have glimpse of light of hope in her heart. and then she will have dream.

The reason I put those pics from different places is that ... I want to travel. I think this travel fever is what everyone has at some point in their lives. Just want to leave everything, pack up, and hit the road. With or without destination does not matter. Just the excitement for new things to see, hear, feel, touch, smell, and taste, new people to meet and have relationship with, and new insights to gain into life. Excitement for every second ahead of the present. I am having the fever right now. Hopefully, it will just stay as a sweet dream and not change into a distraction from my studies. because I don't want freakin anything to distract me from my studies. I'm already distracted from myself enough. haha. :)

Anyway, I've gotta go to bed. I'm somehow really tired. I was planning to go to bed earlier than now but I just had to post this up. I guess I just needed to vent or something. It is quite weird how writing feelings, thoughts, and events of the day down helps you balance your emotions out and kind of detangle the entangled thoughts. Tehe.

God loves me, I know for sure.
and God loves you, too, I know for suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure!

We Live...

We live.
We live with God. for God. by God. and we live ... in God.
He has his fingerpritns on every single of your hair.
He created us.
He created your mom and dad.
He created your mimi and papa.
He created the trees and flowers.
He created the seas and moutnains.
He created the sun, the moon, the starts, the rain, the snow, and the wind.
He created each nation.
He created the earth.
He created other plants.
He created the space and the universe.
He was before EVERYTHING. everything you can possibly imagine.
He is the alpha and omega, beginning and end.
We breathe through the air He made; therefore, we breathe through Him.
We see through the light He made; therefore, we see through Him.
The trees and flowers sway by the wind. The breeze goes through each and every leaves, branches, and stems. They then dance. They just go with the breeze. That's how they praise the Lord. They use everything they have to praise God.
We live through His creations; therefore, we live through Him.
We say He's distant. We say He is not there for us. But the truth is: He IS with us. ALL THE TIME. He was with us before we were even aware of ourselves. He is with us even when we're subconscious-sleeping and dreaming. and He will be with us ever after we disappear into dirt.
The evidence is everywhere: the trees, flowers, wind, sun, moon, stars, seas, mountains, rain, snow, wind, nations, and the universe.
And the rainbow?! That's His PROMISE. It's His COVENANT. and He never breaks it. That's how steadfast, unchanging, unconditionally loving, loyal He is to us.
and all the interactions and emotions we have in ourselves and with every other living and non-living creatures... they are the evidence.
So ... He is there. He is here. He is in every little parts of our lives.

He IS.
and He DOES.
always present tense.

But all the corruption in this world? it's the satan. and our sinful human desire to get what we want for our own selfish sake. We little childish brats just give fits at God because we don't have our barbies or upgraded Iron-Man robot that its mask lights up and talks its quotes.
He LITERALLY could stop everything. but because He loves us so much that He gaves us FREE-WILL. Unfortunately, we tend to abuse the free-will. We use the will He gave us to go against His will. How ludicrous. How heart-breaking to Him.
But honestly, I'm not so sure on that matter. it is really hard with my extremely limited brain and scope of understanding the minds of the divine. So I guess, for me, it's ever unsolvable mystery that I will just have to keep working on.

But all I can say is that:
FEEL and KNOW.
Feel the LOVE and know the LOVE.
Feel GOD and know GOD.
because GOD IS LOVE.

We live.
We live with God, for God, and by God.
and We live in God.
in God.

Irish Blessing

"Comfort on difficult days, Smiles when sadness intrudes, Rainbows to follow the clouds, Laughter to kiss your lips, Sunsets to warm your heart, Gentle hugs when spirits sag, Friendships to brighten your being, Beauty for your eyes to see,Confidence for when you doubt, Faith so you can believe, Courage to know yourself, Patience to accept the truth, and Love to complete your life."

-Irish Blessing

It was sent to me by my dear friend Haley Rogers. It is such a beautiful quote. I LOVE it. I can't describe how pleasant it makes me. It is so adorable, cute, beautiful, sincere, light-hearted, gentle, and awesome!!!!

quotes, quotes, and more quotes!

OKAY! I think I am just gonna update my blog once a month. fashionably lazy. okay, just kidding. but I really have been lazy and turned my back on updating my blog. it has been in the most back of my mind. I just got so much going-like 19-page research proposal? heck yeah. but anyway, I got some things to say. but to make the list of the posts of my blog look better, I am going to break it into several and write them! and on this post, I am going to write a few quotes that touched my HEART.

Okay, so I was at midnight oil yesterday morning because my awesome social club DGR meets for a morning devo at midnight oil on every Tuesday! Haha! so i went yesterday, and this awesome devo director (Meghan Connors) shared a scripture with us that I've never read or maybe I've read but didn't get the significance of it. and when she explained how much of an impact that scripture has had on her, it just woke me up. OMGosh. Okay so the scripture is found in PSALM 17:8 - "Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings" ... Do you get it? So the explanation Meghan gave was that the apple of your eye is the reflection of your pupils on God's eyes and the reflection of God's pupils on your eyes. which means that God is that close to you, watching you super close. He is in the most intimate distance anyone ever could grasp. Think about it. Dudes, PICTURE it. God's right there in front of you. and you see your pupils in God's eyes. and your eyes have God's pupils!!!!!-not literally, but in terms of reflection. That just makes me feel so secured, safe, protected, and also way more self-aware! You know, we do things we know we should not do because we often forget that God is right there watching us. but when we know that God is so close to us that he sees the apple of his eye in our eyes and we see the apple of our eyes in His eyes, we become more aware of what we think and do. What a sweet, powerful warning! and He hides us in the shadow of His wings? How comforting is that? I mean, the world is corrupted and dirty because of satan trying to make us turn our back against God. but He is there watching us constantly and protecting us in the SHADOW OF HIS WINGS. That is the most awesome, powerful, magificent, securing place ever. ever. and ever. ...... and ever. Haha!

Okay, and the next two are both quoted by this cop in Searcy named David Drennan. First one is this: "I don't want to be known as something I've done on earth. I want to be known as something I've done for God." How humbling is that. We often think about how we will be remember after we physically disappear in this earthly world. and we hope to leave legacy for the most intelligent, rich, pretty, capable of our job. but the thing is, that's not the point. the point in here is what God wants us to do. the ultimate goal of our earthly existence. that should be what we are known for after we go meet Jesus in heaven. that just humbles me so much.
and the second one: "The person no one would stop for is the one you should stop for." that statement just made me so guilty of all the judgments and prejudice I had on other people that are not like me. people who like things I don't. people who behave in a way that I can't quite understand. people who dress the way I would not dress. people who talk the way I would not talk. why did I say they were freaks, creepers, losers, odd balls, and weirdos? I mean, I am not that mean outside. but I secretly, internally weirded them out(?) and drew a line between them and me. and that is not what I should do. I should be the one calling for equality between each individuals with different likes, dislikes, interests, passions, and preferences! but anyway, that was a good inspirational quote to make me realize how much we all need to be reaching out. We don't have hands just to grab chicken biscuits. We don't have mouths just to put the chicken biscuits in, chew, and swallow. We don't have eyes to pick out which chicken biscuit is more delicious. We don't have minds just do desire for some chicken biscuits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have hands to be the helping hands for the outsiders. We have mouths to spread the good news to the outsiders. We have eyes to seek out for the outsiders. and We have minds to have compassion for the outsiders. Yay for the purposes of all parts of our bodies, minds, souls, and lives!

and there was another quote I absolutely ADORED with all my heart. and it is not by Haley Rogers. but it is handed to me by Haley Rogers. and the quote is at home. so I will just update my blog once more! yayyyyyyyy!

Okay, Peace Out.