Over the blue ocean, under the blue sky, through the white clouds

(Skyping my parents!)

Yes. Intersession is over. Thankfully. It was tough but rewarding in the end. I ended up with good grades. I am very pleased with it. and I've been super lazy for few days just packing, watching shows, packing some more, and watching some more shows. Haha and the time has come. Tomorrow morning at 7:40, I am flying out of Little Rock to Dallas (or Atlanta, Idk!) and then to Japan. and then home, my sweet home South Korea. the whole flight is about 18-19 hours. Yes, it will be another death of me besides intersession. but I am fully prepared. I got my bottle to keep myself hydrated, toothbrush and toothpaste to keep my breath fresh, eye drop to relieve my dry eyes, vitamins to keep me just going, and lotion to keep my face from drying out and breaking out like CRAZY. Ohhhhh and some medicine for motion sickness. Haha Five years of flying over the pacific ocean back and forth, I have become quite a master at packing and managing myself on board. I did not think I had so much stuff until I started packing my stuff. I have a big container of mostly winter and some summer clothes and "several" containers of just stuff... like.. Idk.. stuff. Ugh. I do not want to unpack all those when I move into dorm.

Okay so here's the review of the past year: it was one tough year. Probably the most challenging, meaningful, rewarding, educational, and the toughest year. Not going to put details. But those who know will know what I am talking about. haha I laughted a lot. I cried a lot. I learned a lot. It was just the time of life where you turn from a teenger to an adult. I mean, I am still a kid, I feel like. but I learned how to be more responsible and to take care of myself on things that no one else help me on. and most of all, I learned so deeply that God loves me so much. I learned about God so much the past year. I felt His work the strongest. I felt Him in such an intriguing way. I still have a long way to go. But I learned more how to surrender.

So this summer, I am helping with my parents' work. just getting phone calls and doing some document works. and I am also interning at their counseling center. Not sure exactly what they will have me to do but it is better than doing nothing, right? At least I will have something to write down on my resume for graduate school! :) and I am reteaching myself Abnormal Psychology all over. also studying some vocabulary that often appear on GRE and english grammer for a better essay. yeah this summer will be just time with my family and time to invest for my future. Getting some experience and studying. I am quite content. haha oh there is something that I want to do this summer: going to a club. Never been to one. I just wanna experience it once in my life! I promise I won't do anything "unchristianly". haha

I am bringing whole bunch of vitamins and chocolate for my family. It's like a care package that I am bringing with me. Because of that, I don't have any money left in my bank account. I was left with five dollars to go over to Korea. but my dear friend Kala Sills gave me 20 bucks to get some snacks and drinks in airport. She is the sweetest girl. I am so blessed to have such friends that love me. hahahahahahahahaaa

Okay, well I need to get to bed in order to wake up at four o'clock! gotta get ready and leave around five to get to the airport. I really don't think I need to leave that early. but the sweet lady, Mrs. Ava, wants to leave early just in case. so we will see... hhahahaaaahahahah I will update when I get home. It will be a blog from the other side of the earth. Isn't that crazy? hahaha technology is great.

Okay, good night.

May the force be with you.

(I don't even like star wars but I just like to say this phrase. haha)

Sweetness of Physio.

Salut! I guess a lot of people in school are out by now for SUMMER! When I was younger, I was so excited about the summer because 1) I don't go to school, 2) I don't go to school, and 3) I don't go to school. Hahahahahahhaaaaahhhh Yes, as much as I am a nerd whose dorm is the library, I am not that big fan of school. However, the beginning of this summer, I am in intersession taking Physiological Psychology course. Cramming all about neurons, brains, neurotransmitters, hormones, etc into 2 weeks is not a joke. My friends, Madison and Haley, who are also taking the same course have been sleeping way less than I have but I am like about to go nuts. My vision is blurred, my whole body is just kinda tingling, I can feel the beatings of my heart, and everything else is going on. Haha yeah I'm whining. BUT here goes my praise for the class. I LOVE the class. The materials we learn are so interesting and fun. and because it makes sense to me, I feel so accomplished when I store something in my memory system and become able to recall it! Because everything goes in such fast pace, nothing drags on. Everything is new and fresh. It is sometimes overwhelming and hard to follow but it is such an exciting class. The professor is very intelligent and shares the information "correctly" with reasonable and "understandable" explanations. Haha! His class is so hard and butt-kicking but everyone likes him! that's great! (I feel bad for someone right now.. hmm...) Oh and I've never challenged myself this far before. There were times I was challenged and had to accomplish some difficult missions but nothing has been so risky, challenging, motivating, and fascinating! Who knew I could memorize like 30-40 note cards full of science stuff and write them all down in essays! Oh man I am so exhauted and I feel like my brain has been fried a major time but I feel so accomplished, challenged, successful, satisfactory, thankful, and full of potentials! Yeah my life is pretty sweet right now. I think the physio class is releasing dopamine in my life... Muhahhhahahahslkfjskaghaskfjkjweoijasklnxnv oh man. I am so thankful to Haley Rogers and Madison Kacir for being there for me. I am so unattentive and miss a lot of things my professor says to memorize. Without them, I would have been probably getting C's by now. Thank you friends! and by sharing this challenging times togehter, I feel like we are getting closer to each other....... maybe in terms of sleep-deprivation.. in terms of energy drinks.. and in terms of massive REM sleep..

A sweet vacation in Little Rock

People leave. They work their butt off for four years, get all the undergraduate knowledge they need, master it, get a piece of paper with the school stamp called diploma, wear cap and gown, walk in the aisle waiting to be called to walk across the stage, take few pictures ... and leave. Some people, without doing all that graduation thingy, just leave with their own reason, story, and excuse.

The semester is over now. I said goodbye to friends that are leaving. and I said "have a good summer and see you in the fall!" to friends that are coming back to Harding in August. To some friends that are leaving, I didn't even get to say goodbye and wish them my sweet asian good luck for life.

I have three sets of parents-biological ones in Korea, American ones that have been hosting me for four stinkin' years, and another American set of parents that have always been there for me ever since we had an encounter through motorcycle five years ago. His name is George McDonald and his wife's is Linetta McDonald. Long story short, we met at church in North Little Rock when I was an exchange student five years and ever since the moment I accepted the offer to ride on his Harley Davidson motorcycle, we have been friends and family. We have memories and stories to talk and laugh about. I sometimes go visit him. Well, actually, he comes to get me. So this weekend, I went to their house and spend a night there. When I went on Friday, Mr. George and I went hiking to Pinnacle mountain. Wanted to get to the very top of it all but the time didn't work out. It was still a good, refreshing, endorphine-producing hike. Then we had meatloaf Mrs. Linetta made-it was extremely juicy and delicious. (I think I'm gonna try to make meatloaf when I get back and have kitchen in my dorm) Then Mr. George gave me a ride on his bike. The weather got cooler but the sun was setting and all so it was such a perfect time to finish the day. Got back and had some dessert-molten chocolate cake with vanilla icecrea, YUM! and then woke up on Saturday, had orange danish rolls for breakfast-also YUM! and then went walking on the big dam bridge in Little Rock. The wind was ... intense. But because it was so intense, I felt all the stress, grudges, frustrations, anger, and toxin just blown out of my mind. I felt my body, mind, and soul just clearing up. So refreshing. So invigorating. Then went hiking to a short trail in Emerald Park. It was a short and sweet trail that got me started for the day. and then we went riding on the bike for a little bit to go see a little bike expo and swing by the Academy to look at athletic shoes. (I love running and training shoes!) And then the time for me go home came. We stopped by Uncle Dean's Catfish place in Cabot. The owner lady is Korean so we talked in Korean for a few minutes. Their catfish is the best I've ever tasted. They are so fresh and good. I actually feel like I am eating catfish, not some mysterious deep-fried, fattening stuff. Before they took me home, we had to stop by strawberry farm to get some strawberries for this lady at their church. When we got out of the car, the tangy, fresh, sweet, and juicy smell of stawberries just penetrated my nose. It was phenomenal. I've never had the smell of a fruit that thrilled me so much. haha It was such a nice, relaxing vacation I had after the semester and before I start the terrifying, nerve-racking intersession. Now I am ready to kill physiological psychology!

Mrs. Baxter is 103 years old lady who is one of the very first alumni at Harding when Harding was in Morrilton, AR. Thanks to the bible project, I started volunteering for her. She has 24-hr caregiver, Mrs. Stinger, but I still wanted to go visit, talk, help with whatever, and just show that I care. I visited maybe three or four times. Then the dead week came and finals engulfed me. and the day I was done with the finals I went to her house. There was a car parked but no one answered the door so I just left a note thinking Mrs. Stinger may be bathing Mrs. Baxter or something. then I got this wierd, unpleasant vibe when I was walking back. Then I asked the admissions office at harding and they told me Mrs. Baxter had passed away. It was expected because she was extremely old. But it was still sad. She was just gone.. like silent breeze. and the thought that I did not visit for a long time just broke my heart. I should have visited her. Was it that I didn't care? or what? I was busy but is that a justifiable excuse? What kind of person am I? and then a thought linked to another thought. To the thought of "what if that will be like me and my mom? what if she eventually goes blind, her health deteriorates, and has no one, and I am here not taking care of my own mother?" It scared the heck out of me. I started balling in the heritage lobby. (kinda silly. haha) Mrs. Baxter left. She made me rethink of life. Left me with no conclusion. Haha. I just pray that I will see her in heaven.

Fresh Start!

Salut! Longtemps Sans Voir!

I know, I know. I'm the most awful, terrible, irregular, irresponsible, distracted blogger! I don't know why I am, though... I guess I got lazy and complacent. I'm sorry.. :(

I thought about deleting the current one and starting one all over. but then I was like, "hey, good blogger or bad blogger, all the posts of my vent and praise are still my life. I can resfresh my mind and get back on the track. But I can't just delete the past that I've been happy and unhappy-mostly down, looking at my posts. So.. I decided to leave all the previous posts and just pick it up from there. I have to admit that there were times that I was just overflowing with joy in the Lord and thanks to Him and times that I was thinking and feeling depressed. But life is full of those. We still move on. We learn from the past, forgive ourselves, ask God for forgiveness for the wrongs we've done, put the past behind, and move on. LIVE FORWARD. I guess what I learned the past few months is that even though life is just full of good and bad poop, we just have to stay focused on the main purpose of everything-GOD-and not lose joy in the Lord. So for the fresh start, I changed the title of my blog. It is now "Attraversiamo". It is an Italian phrase, meaning cross over.

We can't let the past-whether it is happy or unhappy-be the foreshadow of our future. Our future is too precious to just assume and lose the excitement of it. Past, which is also a part of our lives, was past. Present, which is our lives right now, is present. and Future, which is unknown, will be future. We will enjoy every moment of it all. No regrets. Well, maybe a little. Few what if's. But no holding grduges on ourselves as well as others. No putting shackles on ourselves. Just ride along with the life-giver. Hit the shortest road that feels the logest. and Move on. Attraversiamo!

3-3-2011

This is a post previously written on paper in the prayer room at Harding. Kind of late to post it, but oh well. haha :)
Oh by the way, I just had a thought: what will happen at 2:22 a.m. on Feubrary 22nd, 2222? It is in 111 years..... hahahahahahaaaaahahhhhhh

Okay, so I read Psalm 1-9. I've only read few parts of Psalms. (actually, few parts of the whole book of the Bible-very preacher's kid-ish, right?) Read the famous chapters, verses, or books like Psalm 23-one of my favorite. Suddently, a desire knocked on the door of my heart and I started reading the book of Psalm from the beginning. It is the most beautiful, magnificent, expressive, candid, heart-sweetening, purposeful, wonderful, and awesome poems EVER! My heart immediately got soaked up in the rain of His mercy, grace and glory.

PSALM 6-It totally reflects how I whine to God. I am such a whining baby to Him. Somehow, because how David cries to God is sooooooooooo how I cry to God, it rather consoled me. Hmmmmm!
PSALM 8-just beautiful! Description of the wonderful work through His fingers. It was so beautiful and I thought, "and how do we just pass by His creation without being in such awe?"

While I was reading the 9 chapters, I thought to myself: GOD IS SO PERFECT.
He is so PERFECCT that I can't even get quite a grasp of what He is like. There are so many words to describe Him and they are all true, don't get me wrong. But He surpassess all the literary description possibly written. He surpasses them. Can you imagine? I can't imagine at all but sniffle with teary eyes and lips wide open in awe. I am.. selfish, spoiled, narcissistic, altruistic, self-conscious, pretentious, greedy, and vain. yet I am loved, blessed and called by the most wonderous creator ever. I'm so insignificant, yet He finds me significant and worthy of the death of His one and only beloved son. I am the farthest from perfect, and he is the closest to perfect, and yet He keeps me as the apple of the eye!

Sometimes, I'm the mast of self-pity party. I am the true planner of it all! and sometimes, the world seems unfair, cruel, messy, corrupted, sucky, and screwed up. but I really don't need to play the party every time I feel like a victim, because He is fair to me. He is forgiving, merciful, graceful, and loving to me. Unconditionally. and that should be good enough. No matter how many times I 'think' I am the biggest victim and wish for my own destruction, He just embraces in His wings and arms.

My eternal father before my biological father.
My eternal teacher before Dr. Hobby who got knited in Scotland(?)
My eternal husband before the one I make supper for everyday.
My first before everything.
and my last after everything.

March Second Two-thousand Eleven

Bonjour, mes amis!
Just used google translator to say "hello, my friends!". Yeah, even though I took a month course of French language, I can't even put the most basicest words. It's okay. when I have time and change, I will start over from the alphabets and learn French til I can have little conversations with a French! and maybe I will go to France! Gah, that will be just dreamy. :)

Okay... so while I was reading for Social Psychology, I found this quote by Shakespeare and I really liked it somehow. so I am just going to share this tonight:
"All the world's stage,
And all the men and women merely plays:
They have their exits and their entraces;
And one man in his time plays many parts."
-William Shakespeare

Today was a little bit chilly but very sunny, bright, and pretty! I ran into Katie today and that made me happy. :) She looked good in her sunglasses! and I am excited to have breakfast with her tomorrow. I will miss our little Thursday breakfast trandition!

Today's bible study theme was: Salvation by Grace of God.

Bonne nuit et doux rêve!
Good night and sweet dream!

Dreamful dreams

HOLA! SALUTE! ALOHA! HELLO!
Today was such a beautiful day. Just BEAUTIFUL! but for some reason I can't quite figure out, I was being kind of moody today. Under the warm yellow sun and on the bright, fresh green grass, I was feeling blue and grey. I was just kind of being a little sentimental, I think. and I am not sure why. Wait, maybe I know why. but maybe I just don't want to admit it because I feel really weak and dumb inside.

I let someone down a big time and did not even realize it. I did not upset him or made him mad. I DISAPPOINTED him. and that is worse. wayyyyyy worse. especially you know that he cares about you and you also care about him. and the fact that I disappointed him and was not even aware of it made me feel so terrible, horrible, awful, horrorful(?), and abhoring that it made me hate myself for what I've done. I have tendency to be a little sensitive about not offending but rather pleasing others. but when I was notified that someone I care was disappointed because of immature, ignorant behavior I did, I was crushed. I felt so bad that I could not even look at him. What he said went around my head all day long. I could not run away from it. and it bothered me. it suffocated me. I could not do anything right. just thinking about it gives me this uncomfortable waves in my nerves. I apologized but I am still feeling bad and do not know what to do.

Anyway, that kind of ruined my day. and also, this friend of mine kind of me put me in blue mood. she did not do anything to upset me or anything. It was from the conversation I had with her. She had a hard childhood and has bad memory about her parents. and now she has no life. I mean, she is obviously alive, breathing just like everyone else. but I mean, she does not have motivation, passion, hope, wants, or dreams. She does not believe in her potentials or capabilities. She does not what she wants to do. She does not feel anything. She feels numb. Her life is slowly going. and it breaks my heart because I care about her. Everyone has hard moments in their lives. Just a matter of the degree or the extent of the hardships. but everyone has hurts they will hurt from for a long time-maybe their whole life. but they still go on. because the world still goes on. life still goes on. but what keeps them going is dream. that's how people move on. because they have dream, they have hope, passion, and motivation. that's how they get back up on their feet after stumbling hundred, thousand times. this friend of mine does not have one. I don't know. maybe she has on but did not tell me. She is such a good person. She is very even, slow-tempered, patient, persistent, and kind. She does not judge others. She does not make fun of others. She just does not categorize or label others. She is good at many things. but she does not approve of them. and it hurts seeing her living her awesome life that way. DREAM. it is such a wonderful word. I just hope she finds what God wants from her. then she will have glimpse of light of hope in her heart. and then she will have dream.

The reason I put those pics from different places is that ... I want to travel. I think this travel fever is what everyone has at some point in their lives. Just want to leave everything, pack up, and hit the road. With or without destination does not matter. Just the excitement for new things to see, hear, feel, touch, smell, and taste, new people to meet and have relationship with, and new insights to gain into life. Excitement for every second ahead of the present. I am having the fever right now. Hopefully, it will just stay as a sweet dream and not change into a distraction from my studies. because I don't want freakin anything to distract me from my studies. I'm already distracted from myself enough. haha. :)

Anyway, I've gotta go to bed. I'm somehow really tired. I was planning to go to bed earlier than now but I just had to post this up. I guess I just needed to vent or something. It is quite weird how writing feelings, thoughts, and events of the day down helps you balance your emotions out and kind of detangle the entangled thoughts. Tehe.

God loves me, I know for sure.
and God loves you, too, I know for suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure!